Blessings in pain...

In church today, we sang "You are God Alone" by Phillips, Craig and Dean.  Whenever I hear this song, it takes me back to a very hard time.  I was pregnant.  This pregnancy was (in my mind at the time) an answer to prayer...years and years of prayer.  However, this pregnancy ended in miscarriage.   Why?  I had finally "let go".  I can remember listening to this song over and over again, submitting to God's sovereign hand over my life.  Raising my hands in praise when I wanted to scream "Why!!!".  However, 5 years later, this is what I learned:  That baby was an idol in my heart.  I had wanted a baby so badly that I had given it God's place on the throne.  I don't know when I realized that, but as I did, true healing happened.  I no longer needed another child to feel "complete".  As we made plans for permanent "birth control", I became pregnant again.  This time, everything was different.  It was in God's hands.  We have been blessed by an unchangeable, unstoppable God.